


looking for the answer

by clean



Category: T@gged (Web Series)
Genre: Bisexuality, Canon Compliant, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, and i confirm that teenage boys have feelings too, in which brandon deals with "that night"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-27 02:16:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18729688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clean/pseuds/clean
Summary: "I know about that night, you know," Sean says.





	looking for the answer

"I know about that night, you know," Sean says. Trevor looks up. "With you and Brandon."

“Stop,” he says.

-

(8:45) hey

(9:03) _No._

(9:05) rowan come on

(9:05) im bored talk to me :-(

(9:21) _We’re not friends. Go perpetuate heteronormativity somewhere else, or whatever it is you do for fun with your friends. Attempt to seduce girls unsuccessfully? Who knows. I’m hanging out with Hailey. Bye, Brandon._

-

Brandon has to be drunk at this point, he thinks. He definitely did not come to this party intending to drink, or talk to anyone, or for anything specific, really. Actually, he hadn’t even planned on leaving his house up until an hour ago, but then his dad happened and now he’s here. 

“You good, dude?” Nicki asks, walking past him. She’s got a red cup in one hand with her name scrawled on it in Sharpie, but it’s almost unintelligible. 

“Yeah,” he says. “You seen any of the boys?”

Nicki motions over her shoulder. “Stairs. All yours,” she says. “I’m out.”

-

“Hey, B,” Trevor says. “What’s up?”

“Hi,” Brandon says. This is not an answer.

Trevor is leaning against the wall next to the staircase, holding his phone in a way that makes Brandon think he’d been on it just seconds before. Probably just browsing the internet. Trevor doesn’t really text anyone besides him, anyway.

“Hi,” he says again, and hugs him. Trevor is warm, and his hoodie is soft, and when Brandon leans forward, Trevor holds him just tightly enough that it’s comfortable.

“You okay?” he asks. Brandon straightens so he can look him in the eyes, and reaches up to touch his hair. 

“Yeah.” Brandon’s thumb trails down Trevor’s jawline until it gets close to his mouth, then traces along the edge of his bottom lip.

“What are you doing?” Trevor whispers. _I don’t know,_ he wants to reply. _Everything is confusing right now, and I really, really want to do this, but I’m not even sure why._  

“Just this,” he says instead, and kisses him. Trevor breathes in sharply before he pulls Brandon in closer. He’s warm, and it’s not bad or anything, but suddenly Brandon’s thoughts are spinning a thousand miles a minute.

There’s nothing wrong with this. He’s not homophobic, never has been. The issue isn’t with maybe being into this, it’s that it’s _him_ being into this. Since when is this what Brandon does? Feel attracted to guys? Kiss guys? Where does it end?

“I want you,” Trevor says. Brandon is not totally sober. This is not a good idea.

“Then do something about it,” he says instead.

-

“Lock my door behind you, B,” Trevor says, still dragging Brandon behind him. 

“We’re at your house?” Brandon asks, locking it.

 “You’re so dumb. Did you not realize that earlier?”

“No,” he says. “I haven’t realized, like, anything today.” Trevor laughs.

“Shut up,” he says, and they’re kissing, again. Brandon knows this is still a bad idea, but in this moment - Trevor pulling him on top, breathing heavily as Brandon’s teeth touch his neck - there’s something distinctly right about everything.

“Please,” Trevor breathes. Brandon listens.

-

Distantly, Brandon is aware that he is crying. This is not great. He doesn’t cry. Especially not in front of other people. 

“Hey, hey, I’m here,” Trevor comforts him. He sits up and lets Brandon rest his head on his shoulder. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”  
  
“I’m not myself, T,” Brandon says. “I don’t know, I just - how am I supposed to handle everything? I can’t do it. I can’t handle stuff. I can’t-” 

“You don’t have to,” Trevor assures him. “You have me, and Sean, and other people at Hilland, I don’t know. You’re not alone, Brandon.” 

“It’s like, we’ll still be the same people tomorrow,” Brandon says, distraught. This is a lie, probably, but he isn’t quite sure what’s real anymore. Trevor has most likely assumed that Brandon is having a sexuality crisis, but that’s truthfully the least of his worries.

Trevor gently lowers him to the bed. “Don’t live in tomorrow, Brandon,” he says, lying down next to him. It sounds strangely wise, and unlike his usual terrible one-liners, but Brandon is too tired to think about the fact that Trevor might be much more aware than he lets on.

He leaves before Trevor wakes up.

-

“Why isn’t Trevor here?” Sean asks when they sit down on the roof. Brandon rolls his eyes and lays back on the tiles.

“I didn’t want him to be,” he says. “I saw him yesterday, anyway.” Sean snorts.

“Dude, he’s like, attached to your hip. It’s weird to see you without him, is all I’m saying.”

“I hooked up with Trevor,” Brandon says. It doesn’t feel like a weight has been lifted off his chest. If anything, it feels like it’s just gotten heavier.

“Uh, what happened to your huge-ass crush on Rowan Fricks?” Sean asks, instead of _so what, are you gay now?_ or _Trevor?_. Which is in part a relief, and in part terrifying because Brandon’s been asking himself the same question.

“It’s not gone or anything,” he says. “I don’t know. It just kind of happened. I was drunk.”

Sean gives him a look that he really shouldn’t. Brandon is just now remembering that he’s basically a serial cheater. “So? Was he? Are you going to do anything about it?” he asks.

“I don’t know, man,” Brandon says. “Can we just lie down for a little bit?”

“Yeah,” Sean says, leaning back to rest his head on the tiles so that they’re both staring up into the twinkling suburbian night. “You can figure it out later, bro. Just talk to him about it.”

“Yeah,” Brandon agrees. He closes his eyes.

-

 _i like this girl a lot but i also like my best friend and hes a guy and its kinda different_ , Brandon googles, without much luck. It was a stupid search anyway, he thinks.

-

The number one unspoken rule of Trevor and Brandon’s friendship, now: _We don’t talk about that night. Ever._

“Let me hit that, dumbass,” Trevor says.  
  
“Yeah, alright, whatever,” Brandon replies, handing him the joint he had been rolling. “What’s mine is yours, and all that.” Trevor smiles, genuinely, with teeth, and Brandon’s struck by it for a good five seconds. _I like Rowan,_ he thinks to himself. _And she likes me._  

“Thanks,” Trevor says. As he takes it, he glances down at Brandon’s mouth. Just for a second.

Brandon looks away.

**Author's Note:**

> trevor being gay & in love with brandon was the wildest reveal of s3...tagged is so repressed
> 
> title from cigarette daydreams - cage the elephant


End file.
